Manhunt: The Video Game

For those of you who haven't been keeping up on the latest video gaming news, Rockstar Games has been having trouble with the ESRB because of their upcoming release, Manhunt 2. Apparently, it's way too violent and was just given an AO (adults only) rating. Because of the AO rating, it won't be released on any console until Rockstar tones it down. By now, you're probably bored out of your wits with this blog entry if you're not an avid gamer like me and I apologize for that. It's just a lead-in, so don't worry.

I was telling this bit of info to one of my friends, who was really confused because he thought that I was talking about a game about the gay men's internet hookup site, Manhunt.net. He said "of course it would be adults only... you can show sex to little kids!"

But wouldn't it be fabulous if there actually WAS a game based on gay internet sex hookups?

You'd first decide if you want to be a top, bottom, or versatile. Then you pick your fetishes such as punch-fisting or watersports. It's kind of like World of Warcraft, where you can be a human ranger or a night elf shaman . Players then log on to their in-game computer and browse hundreds of personals ads in search of the perfect booty call.

Finding the person is only the beginning. As in real life, you have to actually get through the sex to determine whether or not you made a good choice. Players will control their characters in various sex acts and positions using button combinations. Watch for subtle changes in the person you're fucking and change things up or else the sex will get boring and you'll get a low rating on your booty call score card. This will eventually come back to haunt you when the trick tells all his friends what a lousy lay you were and it'll be even harder to score a new fuck buddy.

To keep it real, there will be some worst case scenarios thrown into the mix. Let's say you found a bondage daddy and the sex is going fine... until he locks you in handcuffs and starts stealing things from your apartment! That's where practiced skills such as contortionism and lock picking will come in handy. If you have high enough skills, you can wiggle your arms into a position where you can grab the nearest pin-sized object to unlock the cuffs and avoid being ransacked and not have to explain to the police why you're handcuffed naked and smothered with shaving cream.

My friend then pointed out that it's actually more fun to LIVE the experience rather than play it, and I'm inclined to agree. I'd rather play the version of Manhunt where you get to strangle dudes with plastic bags because you know they won't be inviting you to meet their families or calling you late at night to ask you what you're thinking about.